Bible Heaven/Bible Heaven.iso/alphon_2/7655/marriage.m13

Text File | 1992-10-29 | 21KB | 358 lines

Study No. 13                    TO THE GLORY OF GOD
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                   SEX IN MARRIAGE
                                       FOREWORD

        We  live  in a time where sex is exploited and abused -- from  selling
        automobiles  through to the strip joints on the streets of  our  major
        cities.   Almost  daily  the  major newspapers  and  electronic  media
        speculate  on the latest trends and philosophies concerning  sex.   In
        short,  we live in an age where our thinking is warped and conditioned
        by the inescapable bombardment of the "world" thinking.

        As  I will amplify later in this chapter,  God invented sex.   It  was
        designed as a beautiful expression between husband and wife behind the
        closed  door of the bedroom.   Many have so abused the beauty of  this
        gift to mankind that they say,  "More, More" with an insatiable thirst
        for sensuality, while others recoil at the thought of the subject ever
        being discussed in public.

        What happens behind the bedroom door is private as far as other people
        are concerned.   It is a matter between husband, wife and God.  No one
        can  intrude  or legislate,  for each couple will discover  their  own
        methods  of expression as their desire to show affection and love  for
        each other unfolds.

        SEX  IN  MARRIAGE  CANNOT  BE DIVORCED FROM TRUE  LOVE  AND  AFFECTION
        BETWEEN  PARTNERS.   This chapter seeks to spell out what the Word  of
        God says on the subject of sex in marriage, within the context of true
        love  and  affection,  desire for each other's  mutual  enjoyment  and
        satisfaction,  and  desire  for  the highest good and  development  of
        character in our partner.

              GOD'S BASIC INSTRUCTIONS TO A HUSBAND AND WIFE ABOUT SEX.

        1 Corinthians 7:2
          "But because of immoralities let each man have his own wife, and let
          each woman have her own husband."

        NOTICE:  One of the major reasons for marriage is to avoid immorality.

        Paul said (paraphrase),  "Because of the temptation toward immorality,
        avoid immorality entirely by getting married."

        Hebrews 13:4
          "Let marriage be held in honour among all,  and let the marriage bed
          by undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

        NOTICE:   The word "undefiled" means "without blemish, complete, full,
        perfect,  sincerely sound,  without spot,  upright;  that which is not
        dirty,   foul,  corrupt  or  unclean."   Marriage  makes  sex  a  pure
        experience  between the married couple,  but fornication (sex  outside
        marriage)  and  adultery (sex involving a married person  with  anyone
        other than their mate) is sin.

        1 Corinthians 7:3
          "Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the
          wife to her husband."

        NOTICE:  Paul calls sexual intercourse in marriage a "duty".  Some may
        chuckle at Paul's choice of words and feel he was naive about sex, but
        those  who  have  been  married for quite  some  time  will  generally
        acknowledge that he was right in using this word.  It is a "duty" when
        either mate is tired,  doesn't feel like it, would rather do something
        else,  etc.  NOTICE:  IT IS A DUTY, EVEN AT SUCH TIMES.  But this Paul
        is saying (paraphrase), "if the wife wants sexual fulfillment from the
        husband  or the husband wants sexual fulfillment from the  wife...GIVE
        IT!!!"

        1 Corinthians 7:4
          "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband
          does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his
          own body, but the wife does."

        NOTICE:   The  Greek  word  "authority"  here  means  "the  right  of,
        justification  over,  or the power of."  A wife is to  relinquish  the
        sexual rights of her own body to her husband.   Likewise,  the husband
        is  to relinquish the sexual rights of his own body to his  wife.   In
        the  physical  area of marriage,  it is a case of  mutual  submission.
        From marriage on, the body of each mate is given to the other.  God is
        always  extremely  specific in His Word.   If only parts of each  body
        were  given  to the other,  He would have named the  parts.   But  God
        declared that the whole body belongs to the mate.

        1 Corinthians 7:5
          "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you
          may  devote yourselves to prayer and come together again lest  satan
          tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

            Thus those who would prescribe limitations for the married  couple
        regarding  their  particular,  mutually enjoyed involvement with  each
        other's  entire body,  are adding to the Word of God.   God has set no
        limits in the sex act other than the limits of exclusive "agape"  love
        -- choosing to do the highest good for your mate.

        Several Facts Are To Be Noted Here:

        1.  It  is  a  command  of  God not to deprive  your  mate  of  sexual
            fulfillment  with  you.   Your  mate has a right  to  have  sexual
            involvement  and  intercourse  with  you as  often  as  your  mate
            desires.

        2.  The only Scriptural grounds for withholding sexual involvement and
            intercourse  is  for a mutually agreed upon time  of  concentrated
            prayer.   King James adds the words "and fasting" after  "prayer",
            and that's probably the meaning here.   Fasting tends to dissipate
            the  sexual appetite.   However,  notice that it MUST be by mutual
            agreement.   If  either  mate  feels that they  don't  want  their
            partner  to fast because it would decrease their partner's  desire
            for sex,  then the mate shouldn't fast.   A proper reading of this
            verse  must  lead the reader to realize that God holds  sex  at  a
            higher spiritual plateau than He does fasting for a married couple
            -- if one or the other must be set aside.

        3.  Notice  that  one  of  the things you must do  after  fasting  (if
            fasting  is  meant  to  be included in this  verse)  is  to  "come
            together again".  Paul is stressing that temptation is defeated by
            the  married couple fulfilling each other's  desires.   Wear  your
            mate out, and they won't ever have enough energy for anybody else!

        4.  Sexual  involvement  and  intercourse in marriage  are  considered
            spiritual weapons against satan himself.   Thus,  a married couple
            who  constantly  involve themselves in a  passionate  relationship
            with each other are defeating the devil.   There is no  temptation
            for  sex with others when both mates are continuously fulfilled by
            each other.

        Q. "Who  should  be the aggressor if either the husband  or  the  wife
           should want sex?"

        A. 1  Corinthians 7:4 again -- the body of the husband belongs to  the
           wife and the body of the wife belongs to the husband.  If one wants
           the  other physically,  that one should be the aggressor.   It's as
           right  for the wife to arouse the husband as it is for the  husband
           to arouse the wife.

        SEX IN MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO BE "FUN".

            Larry  Christensen -- the man who might be called the  "Father  of
        Christian  Teaching On Marriage" since his classic book "The Christian
        Family"  - Larry  writes,  "We would never think of  the  hush!  hush!
        naughty-naughty approach!   Oh, No! No!  We're far too enlightened for
        that."  He then quotes several writers.   Here are some of them:   Sex
        is  beautiful; "Sex  is wonderful;  Sex is a perfect blending  of  two
        personalities,  an  expression that takes in the whole range of  man's
        being -- at once a physical,  intellectual and spiritual  encounter.";
        "In the act of sex a man and a woman express the essential unity which
        over-arches  their  separateness".   And then Larry writes  a  totally
        realistic  evaluation of what these writers have written:   "All  this
        may  be  more-or-less true,  if one makes sex an  object  intellectual
        dissection.   But where is the husband who embraces his wife with high
        thoughts  of 'overcoming the separateness of their being in an act  of
        over-arching unity?!'  This is no man,  but the invention of Christian
        apologists  for sex,  who imagine themselves commissioned to lift  sex
        from  the  mundane level which it seems inevitably to  occupy."   Then
        Larry  finished with my favourite line from his great book:   he asks,
        "Isn't there anybody around to say that sex is FUN?!!!"

                            THE TRUTH ABOUT CONTRACEPTION

            Except  for  abortions,   there  is  one  verse  that  deals  with
        contraception pro or con in the entire Bible.  Some people try to make
        an anti-contraception message from a verse in Genesis that tells us in
        Genesis 38:9, "that when Onan went into his brother's wife,  he wasted
        his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother."
        But  that  has  nothing  to do  with  contraception  but  with  coitus
        interruptus.  (The man withdrew from the woman before his climax.)

        Q. "What is the best form of contraceptive?"

        A. The  fact is,  nothing is foolproof.   There are now five types  of
           birth control available.
           1. Natural  "Rhythm"  -- (the  only type acceptable  to  the  Roman
              Catholic Church);
           2. Mechanical -- devices that keep the sperm from reaching the egg;
           3. Chemical -- solutions that kill the sperm;
           4. Physiological -- oral contraceptives that stop eggs from  moving
              into position for conception;
           5. Surgical -- abortion or sterilization of one or both wife and/or
              husband (tubectomy for a wife, vasectomy for a husband).

        THE RHYTHM METHOD

        The  "rhythm method" or planned and periodic  abstinence from  sex  is
        based on the fertility of women for several days after ovulation.  The
        Church  counsels  couples  to  avoid sexual  intercourse  during  this
        period.   The  most specific major problem with this plan is that  for
        women with irregular periods of ovulation,  this requirement can  mean
        abstinence  from intercourse for three out of every four  weeks.   The
        "rhythm method" often really lacks "harmony" in married homes!

        MECHANICAL DEVICE

        Diaphragms  and condoms are often messy and have to be used every time
        intercourse occurs.   It is the unusual couple that doesn't find  them
        interfering  with  the sheer joy of sex.   They pose a problem  as  an
        "interrupter" just when things are getting started.

        CHEMICAL DEVICES

        These   basically  form  the  very  same  problems  for  couples  that
        mechanical devices do, though they are generally more effective than a
        diaphragm with spermicide.

        ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE  (The Pill)

        The  pill  uses two hormones that are natural to the  female  body  in
        order  to  prevent an egg from developing in the  ovary.   Though  too
        much,  in many cases,  has recently been made about the dangers of the
        contraceptive pill,  research is still going on regarding the possible
        risks  involved,  and  it will no doubt be years from now  before  the
        final  results of its long-range effects are known.   It is known  now
        that  women over 35 would generally be wise to consider an alternative
        contraceptive strategy for the rest of their reproductive life.  It is
        also definite that women who smoke should avoid using the pill at all.

        THE SYMPTO-THERMIC METHOD

        a.  The  healthy man is always fertile - able to beget a  child.   The
            woman,  however,  has periods of fertility and infertility.  As we
            have  seen  her  cycle,   the  time  between  the  first  day   of
            menstruation until the beginning of the next one,  is regulated by
            natural hormones.

            Each cycle can be divided into three phases:
            1. The relatively infertile period,  the time during and following
               the menstrual period when pregnancy is unlikely,  but can occur
               if ovulation occurs early.
            2. The  fertile period,  the days just before and after  ovulation
               when a woman can conceive.
            3. The absolutely infertile period,  the time during which a woman
               cannot  conceive because ovulation has occurred and the egg  is
               no longer alive.  This period begins about 10 to 12 days before
               the  next  commences and ends with the onset of  the  menstrual
               flow.

            Some  women  have  short  menstrual cycles - maybe 24  days  long.
            Others  have  long cycles - 36 days or more.   Still  others  have
            regular 28 day cycles.   Regardless of the length of the cycle, we
            now  know that ovulation occurs approximately 14 days  before  the
            menstrual flow begin.   Because of this fact, it is very important
            that  a  woman knows the average length of her cycle when  looking
            for the symptoms of ovulation.

        b.  Symptoms of Ovulation.

            The  day  of ovulation can be recognized by watching  for  certain
            symptoms.

            1. The  simplest and most reliable sign that ovulation  will  soon
               occur is a feeling of wetness at the mouth of the vagina.  This
               differ  in the amount from the slight discharge that most women
               have  on  other  days,   it is more profuse.   As  the  day  of
               ovulation  approaches,  this  white  discharge from the  vagina
               becomes  more clear,  sometimes even transparent,  like an  egg
               white.   If a woman examines it on a piece of paper,  she  will
               notice  that it is somewhat stringy and stretchy.   In  medical
               language  this is called cervical mucus.   Just as every  woman
               knows  the days when she has her menstrual period - her days of
               "red loss" - so is it possible for most women to recognise  the
               days just before and during ovulation when she has the mucus or
               "white loss".

            2. Another  symptom  or  sign of ovulation which  some  women  can
               recognize  is a sharp pain in their abdomen,  like a knife jab.
               This is called a midpain or "mittleschmerz" in medical language
               and indicates that ovulation is taking place.

            3. Some women experience a slight fullness in their breasts on the
               days before ovulation which disappears as soon as ovulation has
               taken place.   Others notice a small amount of pinkish blood or
               "spotting" at the vagina which is also a sign of ovulation.

               If  a  woman takes her temperature in the  morning  immediately
               upon awakening and then records it on a piece of graph paper as
               illustrated  in  figure 4,  she will notice that  on  the  days
               following  her  "red  loss" her temperature will  be  low.   It
               remains at this low level until the time of ovulation.  Then it
               rises  sharply.   It  will remain at this  higher  level  until
               shortly before her menstrual cycle begins at which time it dips
               down  again and she has her days of "red loss".   If,  however,
               she  has become pregnant because she has had  intercourse  with
               her husband during the fertile period, the temperature will not
               go down, but will remain at this higher level.

            Vasectomy -- Tubectomy

            When a couple finally knows they have had as many children as they
            desire or they can afford, probably the best form to contraception
            is  a vasectomy for the husband,  providing that he doesn't feel a
            vasectomy  would  rob  him of his manhood  (a  totally  unbiblical
            thought).  Some object that a vasectomy allows for immorality, but
            God doesn't allow for immorality,  so it should pose no temptation
            of  that  kind  for the Christian husband.   If  ever  the  couple
            decides they do want another baby, doctors are able to reverse the
            male sterilization procedure more than 50% of the time.  According
            to  doctors who perform such simple surgery,  it can be done in  a
            doctor's office with an anesthetic.  Some husbands find themselves
            a  bit tender for a couple of days following  the  procedure,  but
            aside  from  a  momentary discomfort,  it is 99%  effective  as  a
            contraceptive.   Some  studies  show  dangers  of increased  heart
            problems  and/or higher  blood  pressure  among  men  who have had
            vasectomies, but other studies disagree. Nearly all doctors favour
            it to any other permanent form of contraceptive.

            A wife's tubectomy (having her tubes tied) can be reversed but has
            a much lower success  rate, and appears  slightly  more dangerous,
            according to study reports.

        NEVER TOO OLD FOR SEX.

        Thomas Aquinas released elderly couples to enjoy married sex.   He was
        right.   An 84 year old professor was once asked during a sex lecture,
        "At what age does a person stop having desire for sex?"  The professor
        thought for a moment and then answered,  "I really do not know, but it
        has  to  be sometime after a person who is 84."  It is  true  however,
        that  older people do need to understand that there may come a slowing
        down of their initial sexual response which,  when younger,  may  have
        been  much faster.   The same erection that in younger years may  have
        taken only seconds,  may take a husband 60 years old or over,  five to
        eight  minutes to appear even with direct stimulation.   That  doesn't
        mean  he's becoming impotent nor that he's losing his sexual  ability.
        It just means (as with other parts of his body) his activity level  is
        slowing  down.   It's nothing to be anxious about,  nor to quit having
        intercourse about.   An "Optimist" is described as a man who,  at  the
        age  of 85,  gets married and begins looking for an apartment near  an
        elementary school!

        The  age of a woman doesn't matter either.   Although most women  show
        the  greatest sexual interest between the ages of 20-40,  women of all
        ages  can  thoroughly enjoy sex.   A woman over 60 may find  that  she
        doesn't lubricate as quickly (lubrication is the wife's first  visible
        sign  of  sexual response) an older woman may take several minutes  to
        respond physically.

        A few church spokesmen changed negative attitudes even more  following
        the new teachings of Aquinas.

        THE BEST DAYS FOR SEX.

        A  16th Century tract was handed to all churches forbidding sex during
        all holy days and seasons.  "In addition", the tract read, "abstinence
        is  advice..on  Thursdays,  in remembrance  of  Christ's  arrest;...on
        Fridays,  in  remembrance  of Christ's  crucifixion;...on  Sundays  in
        remembrance of the resurrection;...on Mondays, in respect for departed
        souls.  At the bottom of the tract,  in small  print,  were the words,
        "on Tuesdays and Wednesdays marriage partners may go ahead and satisfy
        their basic instincts!!!"

        Far  more Biblical and refreshing is the humour of Christian  lecturer
        Josh  McDowell.   Josh tells his listeners that he has done scientific
        research on which days of the week are best for sex in  marriage.   He
        says  he's found that they are all days that begin with the letter "T"
        -- Tuesday and Thursday; TODAY and TOMORROW; TATURDAY AND TUNDAY!!!"

                             END of STUDY THIRTEEN